Everything in Life is Not Happening As You Wish
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He told me that “I’ve been waiting for you all my life”. Well even then I was not sure about his feelings but at the beginning he was acting like he was really in love with me, and I choose to believe in him. What a mistake!
Everything in life is not happening as you wish
That’s why many loves don’t end with a happy ending
Well, good education background, good looking, intellectually not bad, smart, good white-collar professional career (I didn’t know that they are the most hungry ones then), seems like a decent guy and saying and acting like he is in love with you. Something was feeling not right but you don’t want to listen that feeling while majority of things sounds okay. After turned down a dozen proposal, I said ‘yes’ to him.
* * *
It was a very cold March day in Istanbul in 2003. He send me an email or text message a few days earlier I think. (I was refusing to talk with him, and not replying his emails or messages after got the decision to divorce, and never talked ever again. I didn’t even go to divorce court. I built the good things, destroying was his job so he did it by his self. No, I didn’t ask for alimony or anything like that, even he was the faulty side for 100%. I didn’t want it because he was the one who is after money, but not love or having a loving family. The breaking point of the relationship. So its better to leave him by himself, he can run after now whatever he wants freely.) He wrote me that he will be in his home town Ankara. So if I want to move out and get my belongings from ‘our home’ it is a good time.
Some year March snow can make long and too cold. It was one of those March. I assume maybe weather forecast history noted that days. It was long snowy a few weeks I think.
I went to the home, I am not sure If I didn’t know or didn’t want to turn on the gas to warm up home, but home was cold as expected because no one at home.
But in an hour I was going to feel one of the worst experiences I had in my life.
(Image: Pixabay.com/monicore . CCO)
I collected the things belongs to me from the kitchen. Every one of those spice jars got me terribly bad, a good director can make a movie about that spice jars, that much bad feeling. They were the objects of an incomplete story now. But while buying and preparing them, the feeling was ‘hope’ for a happy future. But now, not so long later they are going to a storage to not use ever again.
Then I went to the living room and to the bookshelves to collect my books; hundreds of books that I own.
There was a little mini boat on one of the shelf, maybe from walnut shell not remember that part. It was something new, must be brought here while I was away since the last November. There was a little note too on it, hand written: “To my love, from his favorite place.”
It is Kas, a small modest vacation place in Mediterranean coast of Turkey.
So, the little boat given to him by his new girlfriend. I torn up the note (not the boat) and throw away.
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And went to the study room to the computer. Yes, there were exchanged emails between her and him. They went to Munich, Germany together, Cappadocia to my Father’s hometown, and a luxury jewelry shopping and Kas. They had spent some time in this home and drank the wine I bough it, who know how many bottles of it, and they used my wine opener that I recently bought. Yes, that was the thought was turning on my head, ‘they had used my wine opener too!’.
There were brochures on the coffee table from that luxury jewelry store, not his style.
My underwear drawer was upside-down and my side of wardrobe too. I thought he tried out my some sweaters to look good for her (6’2″ tall guy is wearing my sweater for a cheap lady), but now thinking that he maybe let her use my clothes, one of the most disgusting things to do.
But even before seeing the view in the bedroom, right after seeing the exchanged emails, I started to feel colder, and first and last time in my life, my hands’ color started to change and my fingers went from blue to purple. First time experienced the meaning of the changing body chemistry.
Now, I know these types of men from miles away. They can easily effect from small daily things, they only see things happening NOW. If you seem doing well now, his all attention and “love” goes over you, if you stop for some time his attention and “love” goes away immediately. Well, classic materialistic type with no family values. These types of people only value money, power and status.
At the beginning it is a very hard thing to experience (someone is saying that he’s in love with you, and in a year going for older, shorter, uncultured, ignorant, cheap female. Because he’s thinking that her career and income is better). But you are coming to a point in life that nothing matters someday. If you are anywhere near to this situation, just start to count days –not literally– one day you will notice that nothing is important about that person anymore. It may take a few years, because betrayal and uncompleted stories hard to end for closure, but you will be successful someday, you can be sure.
Just sit, lay back, live your life and wait. You don’t need to do anything, but time. These types of people always stay restless, always looking for more. As long as you are stable, you are the winner.
And whatever he is, not important, the most important thing for a human being is CHARACTER. A strong character in a person is a very hard thing to find in today’s world.
If someone doesn’t value you and the relationship with you, doesn’t care about your feelings too. Be aware and stay away from that type of people.
I always try to understand people, and their weakness, bad behaviors, faults. I try to understand why did this, why do this etc. for reasoning and justifying if possible. I try to find a logical reason to understand, accept and forgive them if necessary.
And I really tried to understand his behavior too towards me, but it’s always coming to an end, that he was wrong in all ways. No excuse can accept all these horrible things he did to me, and not one good thing, not one. If someone was my enemy couldn’t act in that much horror to any person and to a person like me.
Partners has to support each other no matter what, marriage is not only for good times. If your partner is fighting against you instead of fighting along side with you against to the cruel world, no need to continue together. There are enough hardships in this world and no need to add one more.
Financial perspective of partners is important too. If one of them comes from entrepreneur family background and know what is having money and wealth, but the other one is coming from civil servant background and never had that kind of money; It means you both have different perspective to money. If someone never had wealth, they are more eager and hungry for money and don’t know the meaning of love or having family values.
But if you hold the same chair for 25-30 years and got your retirement, no need to worry. His attention and so called ‘love’ doesn’t easily goes away, relax. Well, at least until finding someone has more to offer..
If you are not sharing the same values with someone, don’t start to any kind of relationships, including professional ones. If you already started somehow, it will end anyway, so how soon that good to end this. Life and things are not easy and life is going to show you many faces in time. You can’t go further with someone you can’t trust. So separating, splitting, divorcing that person is the best thing you can do.
I know you are trying and stay in that bad relationship, because you don’t want to stay alone and want to have a family and children. Already even if you are a loving couple having children meas you have lots of problems, not just for you but for the children. You don’t know what is waiting for them in the future. And having children without a loving partner? We all know that it is juts a selfish thing to bring a child to this world and make them suffer. Don’t have children from someone if doesn’t in love with you, or you are not in love with him/her.
I too wanted to have a family and children, but never wanted to have children with someone if I am not in love with. I didn’t want to have if I don’t find that love. I am not a pragmatic person like majority of people. I want to believe there must be some meaning in this life, and love and helping and supporting each other in this tough world can be the only meaningful things. And no you can’t jump from one love to another. This doesn’t match with that existentialist reasoning.
No, you are wrong! Being and staying alone is way better than to be in a relationship that has no love in it. Being single has its own power, believe me!
Paying a few hundreds to charities, and behaving good to a new partner cannot change your previous bad behaviors to the others and make you a better person. If you once was a bad person, that guilt always will stay with you.
I was very patient very.
Very very patient.
I drank every drop of that wine slowly.
Nil Taskin
The headline of the story is from Turkish diva Ajda Pekkan’s this song; ‘like foggy’